Preparing for the Vendee Globe is a very long process, and you have to trust this process. Training and preparing for a challenge like this during a global pandemic added another layer of doubt, but I found it was important to keep going.

As a solo offshore sailor, there are a lot of challenges to overcome between having the idea to compete and crossing the finish line at the end of the race. When I found out I was pregnant, I spoke to offshore sailors who are mothers to find out what I should expect, and to attempt to predict if I would be able to surmount these challenges once I had the baby. I was worried about whether I would lose my mojo, if I would change as a person, if my attitude to risk would change, if I would lose my edge, lose my motivation.

Now I am firmly on the other side, with a healthy and happy 6-month-old baby in my life, I can try to assess myself, and to answer some of my own questions. As Xavier’s birth approached, my mindset narrowed down to only include my small family, and now, as he grows and thrives, my view is slowly widening, and sailing is coming back into focus. I find that I have not lost my mojo, in fact, my resolve is stronger.

I don’t usually have a set daily routine, I’m a big believer in the Paulo Coelho quote "If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine. It's lethal.” 

I went into the Covid-19 lockdown as a full time sailor and I will be coming out as a different person. I am now a Mother, but I also help run my family business - a mussel farm, based here in the west of Ireland. As I’ve been based here during this year of lockdown and pregnancy, my role in that has continued to grow. This has added another layer of variety to my life!

A fairly typical 'lockdown' day would be: Xavier and I wake up at 6:30 when my husband Shane heads out for his morning run. We have breakfast (eggs + spinach for me, banana + avocado for him) and hang out together until Shane comes home. Depending on the day’s childcare arrangements either one of us leaves for Shane’s office, which is beside the house, to work. Here I’ll make some calls to make sure everything is going well on the mussel farm, and answer emails. I work on my Vendee Globe sponsorship documents and have a call with people who are helping me. Then I check the Vendee Globe tracker and spend some time looking into sailing news to keep abreast of the IMOCA 60 boat market. I liaise with a developer about a new part of my website. Then I have a call with some mussel farm customers. I go home for lunch. If I have Xavier for the afternoon then I’ll go for a walk with him. When we get home I'll work more on my sailing campaign, if he naps or is happy playing by himself. The second that Shane comes home I head out the door to go training, either for a run or to do circuits. I come home and we all have dinner together, Xavier gets a bath and goes to bed about 19:30. Shane and I clear up the house. I might do a bit of yoga or stretching. Then I’ll spend some time on my laptop answering emails, looking up different companies' marketing strategies and researching potential sponsors. 

The importance of a good support network was emphasized by every offshore sailing mother I spoke to. As I leave the dock and wave goodbye to my son and husband, I will only be able to turn away and focus on my race if I completely trust that they will be ok without me. We are very lucky to have a great family around us, my parents and my in-laws all share the childcare load. Once the Covid-19 lockdown has ended we will also be able to get a childminder for Xavier. When I am away our childcare plan will be that my father looks after him one day a week, my mother for one day, and a childminder or creche for three days. My mother and sisters in law are always available to fill any gaps or look after him if something unexpected comes up. They are also there to support my husband when he needs it! My father in law is also a solo offshore sailor (he’s aiming for the Global Solo Challenge in 2023) so the whole family understands the demands of a campaign.

My husband provides vital and unwavering support, which I need. Not just in the day to day handling of logistics, but also mentally, in his total belief in me and my ability to achieve what I want to.

I realize that this goal, to race solo around the world, is an intrinsic part of me, and while becoming a mother has not taken that away, the time away from sailing has shaken my confidence. My body has been through the biggest change of its life. I missed an entire season of solo races in 2020. But, as my motivation returns, so does my confidence in my body, and in its ability to recover. At the moment I am still getting back into shape after being pregnant. I would like to feel physically stronger than I am now. I trained consistently but not very intensely throughout my pregnancy. It was almost exclusively during lockdown so it meant I couldn’t do everything I wanted e.g. pool swimming, gym visits, pregnancy pilates! I ran until about 4 months, and I did circuits about 4 or 5 times a week the whole way through. I swam in the sea a lot too, though mainly for enjoyment rather than exercise. It was my first pregnancy and I was very cautious. I think if I were to do it again I would have the confidence to train with higher intensity for longer. On reflection, I had come off the back of 2 pretty intense years of racing so my body was happy to have a slowing of pace. Now I am 6 months postpartum and I am starting to feel my fight coming back. I am running and working on strength and core at home. I’ve got a virtual half marathon at the end of May and I’ve entered the virtual CrossFit open in March to give myself some training motivation!

As I get fitter and stronger again, my desire to get even fitter and even stronger returns. I have gone from being the most unfit I have ever felt, to rediscovering my strength. This has reinforced my trust in my body, I know what it’s capable of, and I know it can be strong again. I’ve gone from worrying that I would never be able to train again, to training every day, and setting small goals like running 5km in 30 minutes, doing 5 pull-ups, and trying to tick them off, improve them and to rebuild trust in my muscles.

I know that having spent time away from sailing I will need to work on my mental performance. Often what holds me back mentally is thinking I’m not good enough, or that I don’t deserve to be competing, let alone competitive. This feeling can get amplified because I live in Ireland, away from the sailing training centers in France. This means doing regular zoom calls with a sports psychologist, and really taking on board what she recommends. The mental preparation is important for looking for sponsors as well as for sailing. I need to be able to hold my conviction in myself. Sometimes the dream can almost feel too big, that I’m never going to be able to accomplish it, and that is not useful  - I know I can achieve it if I work hard enough.

I get a lot of inspiration from other sailors, Irish sailors, female sailors and sailors I know who have done the Vendée Globe. They show me how it’s possible. I look at what they have achieved and I am motivated. Earlier this year I didn’t know how I could fit in the family business, my own family and sailing. But then I realised that the key is to make the project my own, that my project won’t look like anyone else’s because it will be built for me, and my unique situation!

I don’t know yet if I will manage to achieve my goal, but I do know that trust in myself and those around me will be what makes it possible. I also know that being a mother won’t be what holds me back.

*Photos by Neil O’Hagan and Rick Tomlinson